The Tripper…

I often go through photos and/or my journals until something pops out at me to write about.  Today, as I was going through an old training journal, I read a couple of sentences I wrote on the inside cardboard page.  It makes this post short…it is a warning…or more of a heads up I guess…anyway, I’d like to share it with you.  When I wrote these words, I was going through a few business things and dealing with certain people in my life as I was in prep for a bodybuilding contest.  I’m sure you’ll be able to relate if you stop and think about your own life….

Some people are so used to getting knocked down, they don’t even want to get back up.  This becomes a problem when they lose interest in getting up and their focus becomes to pull others down…to trip people…makes them feel better…STAY AWAY FROM THESE PEOPLE ANTHONY…TRIPPERS…it’s who they are…what they do…Decide right now who and what is worthwhile…YOU know what you’re supposed to do…NOW DO IT!

You know some Trippers right?  A person who is constantly negative…about everything.  A person who smiles at other people’s pain and frowns at other people’s happiness.  A person who has every answer for why you, someone, or something will fail…but solutions for NOTHING.  It’s that person who grabs your ankle when you’re on the fifth step…pulling you back to the first…all while making YOU believe you should have never even stood up to climb in the first place.  It’s the person who uses an eyedropper every minute…every hour…every day to extinguish the fire of greatness burning within you…drop…”you can’t”…drop…”no one has done that”….drop…”people will laugh”…drop…”that’s dumb…ridiculous…impossible”…drop, drop, drop.  Before you know it…you find yourself with a hose helping them extinguish your very own dream.  I’m telling you…I’ve been there. We all have them in our lives – Trippers…Let me tell you why it works and why they are so dangerous : It’s because…they are the people that surround us in life…friends, our children, brothers, sisters, fathers, mothers, other family, coworkers, bosses, “experts”, politicians, and the media.  Most of the time we love these Trippers…which makes them so much more effective.  So what do we do about it?  First, let me say, hopefully you aren’t a Tripper.  If you read this and think you are…Change!  Come to grips with WHY you are a Tripper…get over it…and STOP!  If you do have a Tripper(s) in your life(be honest with yourself), here are a few tips for you:

“It ain’t what they call you, it’s what you answer to.” – W.C. Fields

1. BE AWARE…You have to realize what is going on.  Be aware of who is pulling you down.  Be aware of all areas in your life producing negativity.

2. FIGURE IT OUT…Is the tripping coming from a place of: unhappiness….ignorance…hatred…laziness…jealousy…feeling trapped in their own life?

3. REALIZE…It’s not your problem.  You thinking it is….enables the Tripper…Trust me

4. SEPARATE…You must choose to shed this Tripper…whether or not it’s forever is up to them right?  You have one life…live it fully…Choose to surround yourself with those who ADD TO…not subtract from… your life.

5. HAVE COURAGE…Have the courage to do…to try…the things in your heart.  Listen to yourself.  Define yourself.  It is said your life can be as small…or as large as you want it to be…which one it will be is directly proportional to….your COURAGE.

6. DO IT…As I wrote to myself…You know what you’re supposed  to do…NOW DO IT!!!  🙂

“A successful person is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks that others throw at him or her.” – David Brinkley

 

 

 

 

Stuck…

A few years ago I flew to Norfolk, Virginia to compete in a bodybuilding competition.  It was held in Currituck, North Carolina where I went to high school.  It ended up being one of my worst competitions so that’s all I’ll say about that contest.  I did learn a few lessons which is the most important thing.  This blog comes from a journal entry written on the plane as I was returning home.  I think the easiest thing to do is share it with you exactly as written…

Terrible showing.  Placed 4th.  The competition was tough.  I was not ready.  The contest had a different format…they held pre-judging and finals all at once…at night.  My food and water were off because of the timing.  This won’t happen again.  Good to see my family.  Wish I could have performed better with my Father there.  I really miss Amy, Aleck, and Emma Grace.  As I have already written, this is the first time being away from them since they were born.  I’m just so happy they’re not in the hospital though and Amy is an amazing mother so I know we’ll be just fine.  If you’re reading this, you know I always try to find the lessons in every moment….  And one just came to me about 25 minutes ago:

After saying goodbye to my family, I made my way through the airport to my gate.  I couldn’t help but feel like a rat in the rat race with all the people scurrying around trying to get …somewhere…on time.  And as I rounded a corner to make a left hand turn just past a Starbucks, I had to slow down because something was causing a people jam.  The rats…I mean people in front of me started peeling away…streaming around the obstruction…right…and left.  As I neared what was blocking us, I heard the most colorful language I’ve ever heard…and I’ve seen a lot of war movies.  The crowd was clearing and I heard grunting and then…”@##$%$…..%^$$#^@….(*&&^^#@@%”…  I stopped to see people just walking by and saying nothing to a man….who had lodged himself…and his bags between a solid decorative rock trash can and a black metal bench.  He was stuck.  I mean really stuck.  The man’s face was as red as pizza sauce and sweat beaded on his forehead.  He had a nice suit on…though his belly had spilled out of his now untucked shirt.  His pink tie flew back and forth like a flag waving for help.  I stopped, looked at him, and said “Hey man…you need some help?”  He looked at me through his now bloodshot beady eyes and said “No!  I got this!”  And so…just like that, I became another rat peeling away and around…the stuck…wedged…fat rat.  About 15 yards away, I turned back to see no change had occurred…including the language.  Still wiggling…still cursing.  And so I made my way to my gate…and now here.  Now that I’m in my seat, on time, and comfortable, I can’t help but hope someone helped that guy even though his stubborn self didn’t want it.  And that’s a nice lesson….If you need help and know it…accept it.  It beats being stuck.  It has just occurred to me though… the most important step happens after being stuck…or maybe…maybe it’s better to happen…right in the middle of being stuck.  We hear it all the time….”She has baggage….He has baggage…Oh there is so much that comes with him/her”.   The truth is we all have baggage.  It’s ok.  But how much of it is unnecessary baggage?  Thinking about the stuck man who had a bag on each shoulder, a laptop under his arm, and a pull-along suitcase on rollers, makes me wonder how one person can carry so much anyway.  And that’s the thing…how much can we carry?  I certainly know what it’s like to be blindsided in life…leaving me wondering how in the world I ended up carrying a load I never thought I could hold.  How many bags can one person hold?  It is said ” God won’t give you more than you can handle.”  I do believe this.  I also believe “God helps those who help themselves.”  The fact is, sometimes we don’t need all those bags…sometimes we aren’t supposed to be carrying all that JUNK.  When we find ourselves stuck in life…wiggling, cursing, and stubbornly thinking we can get out on our own, I think we need to take a deep breath…and if we don’t fall out of being stuck by taking that breath..we need to pray…and whether or not we fall out then…we still MUST…MUST…MUST take a look at ALL the bags we’re carrying.  We may need to shed a few bags…or at least go through all the “stuff” in our bags.  Past circumstances, pain, failures, grudges, attitudes, bad relationships, unspeakable tragedy…all this stuff…filling up our bags.  Oh and here’s one we’ll reach in our bags and dig around for(especially in hard times) until our fingertips are bloody and our hearts are exhausted…CONTROL…and guess what?  It isn’t in there…It NEVER WAS.  I’m sure I’ll elaborate and put more to this story…maybe give a talk about it…write a piece on it…or just tell it to Aleck and Emma Grace…I know they will definitely get stuck in life….and maybe they’ll remember the “heavy, sweaty, stubborn, pink tie wearing, wiggling, grunting, cursing…severely stuck guy in an airport story”…Then they’ll hopefully stop and check their bags…ask for help if they need it…and most importantly pray for wisdom and guidance when they start the tough tough tough task of sorting through the stuff in their bags…. Anyway, now I have to sleep…Can’t believe I finished 4th…dang it.

So there it is…honestly it feels weird to share the words out of this tattered and torn red notebook.  I’m not sure why because a lot of my blog posts are inspired by my past journals.  Maybe because the words were written at such a vulnerable time in my life…anyway, I hope that if you are stuck…or one day find yourself stuck in life…You’ll remember the wiggling wedged guy in an airport story and find peace, guidance, and freedom in sorting through your “bags” 🙂

 

 

Plan by the Tide…

As we passed in the kitchen, Amy and I looked at each other through our tired eyes.  It was December 31… about 9:30pm.  That morning and throughout the day we had hyped our kids into a New Year’s Eve frenzy by talking about staying up together and watching the ball drop at midnight.  I told Amy about one of my clients using the strategy of turning clocks ahead to trick her children into thinking it was midnight when it was really 9 or 10pm.  We were so tired and 9:30 felt like midnight so …close enough.  We called the kids in, poured grape flavored water into our glasses, toasted the New Year, and headed to bed….It was a perfect New Year’s Eve.  I was so tired I didn’t even have the energy to think about a New Year’s resolution(something I don’t put much stock into anyway).  It may sound funny coming from a Strength Coach and owner of a personal training studio, but it’s true.  I have never bought into the New Year resolution marketing, programming, or sign-up surge tactics.  I am blessed that I haven’t had to do it.  Don’t get me wrong, I think it is great to set exercise goals, and for whatever reason, January 1st seems to be the time to do it.  Think about it though…it’s weird.  It’s strange that people get a little spark to start living healthy…to spend money on a gym membership, trainer, and/or equipment, knowing…knowing…it’s going to last until about January 16th.  That’s the truth.  I believe a better way to look at the New Year is to see it as a fresh start…a new chance…a time to refocus…a time to be honest with yourself.  That’s all I am going to say about the New Year motivation/perspective issue because it is a different topic really.  Let’s skip all that and just say you have a true New Year’s resolution.  I don’t know what it is…exercise, job, parenting, eating…whatever….Let’s just assume you’ve done an honest, deep, true reflection of yourself and you have set thoughtful and healthy goals.  Congratulations…you’ve made it through the easiest part of your new year.  Now what?  How will you EVER do what you said you would do?  I’ll tell you.  This is the important thing to remember…for the rest of the year…and for the rest of your life… : “Tide and time wait for no man.”….. Let me explain.

A couple of summers ago, Amy, her sister, her sister’s husband, me, and another couple decided to kayak out of the salt marshes(ACE Basin surrounding Edisto Island) across the mouth of the Edisto River, and back to the island.  Amy’s sister’s husband, Tim, and the husband in the other couple, Mike, both have great experience in the outdoors, navigation, and these types of excursions.  We would put in just in time to catch the tide going out which would make our trip easier and assure we were going the right way.  For those of you who don’t know, salt marshes are filled with winding paths and can be very confusing when you are sitting low in a boat.  On top of that, the tide can change so quickly making it easy to become disoriented and/or without water at all.  We started the trip and made our way through the beautiful marsh and even stopped for a nice picnic on a small sandy beach that looked like it hadn’t yet been discovered.  With clouds rolling in, we decided to continue through the maze of waterways.  There were many split offs and paths from which to choose, but we had our map…and Tim and Mike.  Paddling away, we saw a couple of porpoises and began to follow them.  Amy and I were taking pictures and paddling towards them as they seemed to be having fun with each other and inviting us to join them.  All of the sudden Mike stopped paddling, sat silently, and looked all around.  He pulled out the map and said “Something isn’t right.”  We just looked at him.  He said “Look at the direction my kayak is floating.”  We pulled our paddles out of the water and floated….backwards.  We had been paddling…against the tide.  We were caught up in the beauty of the trees, moss, and playfulness of the wildlife.  We didn’t even notice we had missed a turn and were going the wrong way.  We made the correction and continued our amazing trip.

And so….that’s exactly what can happen to us in life.  We plan by the tide….we set our goals.  The answer to why we don’t keep our resolutions 99% of the time…we don’t meet our goals…is we become distracted…we miss a turn…The trip is planned by the tide but so often we don’t realize… at some point…somewhere along the line…we began paddling against the tide.  It happens…to ALL of us.  It will ALWAYS happen.  The key is to not forget where we are supposed to be going.  We were lucky to have Mike and Tim with us.  Without them we would have surely kept paddling in the wrong direction until we were literally sitting in mud.  So…what can you take from my story?  1. We need to listen to the people we are blessed to have in our lives.  They may certainly make our trip easier and more enjoyable one day.  They may keep us safe on another day.  They may one day turn us around and save us A LOT of time…and pain.  2. What do you do if you’re on your own and find yourself moving away from your goals?…What do you do when you find yourself paddling against the tide?  I’ll tell you what you DON’T do…you don’t throw away your map.  You don’t lose hope…you don’t self-sabotage…you DO NOT forget where you are going.  3. Here is another something you don’t do…When you are out in the marsh…far far away from anyone…and you find yourself lost or heading in the wrong direction, you DO NOT stop paddling!  And you NEVER NEVER EVER just throw away your paddles…you wouldn’t do it out there….so don’t do it ANYWHERE…You don’t quit.  You hear it from me in almost every blog post…NEVER GIVE UP!  If you have set a goal…If you want to be someone…something…If you want to accomplish something…You have to KEEP paddling no matter what!  Even if your mind is telling you it’s too late and your butt is sitting in mud…get up, drag your boat to water, get back in and paddle your heart out!  4. Don’t forget to stop and look at the beautiful things everywhere around you…  5. Remember : It isn’t easy…”Tide and time wait for no man.”…It’s true…Time is precious…we only have so much of it…The tide will come and go regardless of where we are…both have existed before we were born…and will continue to exist after we’re gone.  Use them wisely.  Look at your map…plan by the tide…and finish a trip…for once complete the journey you know in your heart you’re supposed to master… 🙂

“Listen to the tides slowly turning, wash all of your heartaches away.  We are part of the fire that is burning, from the ashes we can build another day.”

 

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See the Finish Line

As Aleck and I hopped into my bed with our hot chocolate, we pulled a blanket over our freezing feet.  I flipped on the television and we began watching an Xterra race.  The competitors were finishing a mountain bike portion of the race and were transitioning into a grueling 10k trail run.  We watched the leaders streaking through the narrow trails like deer running perfectly through the forest.  Each step seemed to be perfect.  They climbed steep hills and leapt over fallen trees.  It looked so easy.  The men’s race was pretty uneventful, except for watching Lance Armstrong come off the bike in 2nd place only to fall to 23rd place during the run.  The women’s race was different.  The 1st place woman, after the bike, had about a 7 minute lead over the next woman.  The 3rd place woman, after the bike, was known to be a strong runner, but being behind  7 minutes made things seem impossible(at least to two guys drinking hot chocolate).  As the race continued, the leader began to fade quickly.  The third place woman zipped past the 2nd place woman with such speed both Aleck and I let out a “Wooow…she’s fast!”  The final stretch of the race was a strip of beach the competitors had to run on before turning up to a grass trail to the finish line.  The 1st place woman had retained her lead and was on the sand.  She was barely jogging and was zig zagging so badly, race fans had to push her back onto the course.  The commentators then began talking about the grueling effects of this kind of race on the mind and body.  Next the broadcast switched to scene after scene of runners and bikers falling, quitting, and collapsing.  The footage showed crumpled bodies being carried off.  It showed muddy wet racers collapsing and crying in defeat.  The coverage flipped back to the 1st place woman struggling as the strong 3rd place woman sprinted past her and through the finish line banner.  The woman who had once held a 7 minute lead now was staggering like an intoxicated person trying to walk a straight line for a police officer.  She was steps from the finish line and collapsed.  Medical crews were on her immediately.  She did not finish.  Aleck asked, “What happened? Why did she quit?”  I explained what happens to the body when pushed to the max and that she didn’t quit.  She definitely did not quit.  Aleck handed me his empty hot chocolate mug and said “I believe I would take a shortcut.”

It is said the majority of runners who drop out of a marathon quit toward the end of the race but before the finish line is in sight.  They don’t quit earlier in the race.  One of the reasons could certainly be due to the physical stress on the body over the many miles.  Dehydration or other physiological factors could also affect a runner’s mental state leading them to quit.  Almost NEVER…NEVER does one quit when one can see the finish line.  There is a mental lift…a surge of adrenaline…extra energy to be found when one can see the finish line…the end.  You can apply the “finish line sight theory” to life.  If people SEE the finish line(the end of a goal…or the the end of a struggle), they should be more likely to push through and succeed.  However…..I think there are plenty of people who don’t have a finish line…they have no goals.  I believe there are MORE people who have a finish line, but have no race course.  And when they finally see their race course spread out before them, they choose Aleck’s method…”I believe I’ll take a shortcut.”  This applies especially to young people today.  I won’t get into all the theories as to why this is the case… like :  It’s the parent’s fault for not saying no…for wanting to live through their children…for being an endless money supply.  It’s the school’s fault for not cutting players from teams…for requiring the whole class to be invited to a private birthday party or you have no party…for not keeping score…for not wanting to offend anyone…and for handing out “made up” awards.  It’s the media’s fault…TV shows like American Idol…athletes making millions of dollars…bonehead 20 year olds in New Jersey making millions of dollars…Youtube making everyone famous…It’s the politician’s fault for making people believe the Government will take care of them…through entitlements, bailouts, and other things people are “owed”.  WHATEVER the reason is…it’s a fact…people want to cross the finish line without running the race…without getting dirty, wet, dehydrated, and crampy…without struggling, fighting, pushing, sweating, and crying.  I had a trainer come into my gym and TELL me he was going to observe and learn from me.  He TOLD me he had the best certification(an online certification that takes 15 minutes and $499 to obtain) and that any other certification, including CSCS(mine), was junk.  I had another trainer apply while cussing every other word he spoke to me.  I had a college student come in and ask me if I needed any help and when I asked him why his thumb was bandaged he answered, “Dude, I was drunk and tried to open my beer bottle with a knife and slit my thumb tendon.”  And I’m not making this up…The same guy came in a few months later with his foot in a cast looking for a job and said, “Dude…I was partying and sledding down a hill  and broke my ankle.”  I had another guy come in and tell me he would work for me if I could give him 30 hours a week of training clients and $50,000 a year…with most Fridays off.  I am not kidding.  Ask a college student what his/her plans are after graduating.  Ask any business owner who has interviewed ANYONE… about the answers to some of their questions and about the interviewees’ expectations.  I’m telling you…It’s crazy.  What happens is when things get hard now, people think they’re impossible.  Now we have a society that never completes anything.  We have a society of shortcut seekers and if they don’t find a shortcut, they sit and whine about it.  In the words of the famous bodybuilder Ronnie Coleman, “Everybody wants to be a bodybuilder, but don’t nobody want to lift this heavy a#$ weight!”  So what do we do about it?  If you’re a parent, don’t let your child quit.  Teach them they are responsible for their own actions and for their own happiness.  Explain the reality of having to ALWAYS work hard to get anywhere or anything of value.  If you are a teacher or a coach, explain the value of preparation, determination, and perseverance.  The woman Aleck and I saw collapse feet from the finish line in the race we were watching is extremely rare, yet it is exactly what our society needs.  We need children and adults who will NEVER give up…NEVER.  This is the important part :  ALL of those values mentioned above are important whether life is easy or hard…fair or unfair.  I once read about a track coach who would tell his runners “Stay to the left and get back here as quickly as possible.”  Wouldn’t it be great if the race…if life was that easy?  If we only needed to stay to the left and go quickly?  The problem is, the race isn’t that easy.  Life isn’t easy.  There are obstacles and distractions throughout the course, but if we are equipped with the right values, we’ll always SEE the finish line. And if we end up collapsing a few feet from the finish line, we are victorious…..What more could you ask of yourself in life than to give it your everything….Never giving up….Never quitting. 🙂

“I firmly believe any man’s finest hour, the greatest fulfillment of all that he holds dear, is the moment when he has worked his heart out in a good cause and lies exhausted on the field of battle – victorious.” – Vince Lombardi

 

This Week

A good friend of mine sent me the following quote : “Tears are words that need to be written.” -Paulo Coelho, when I told her I would not be blogging today.  The truth is, my heart has been heavy and I don’t have it in me.  As I’m writing right now, I’m looking out the window at the pouring rain.  I think if I counted every single raindrop falling, the number would come nowhere close to the tears shed by human beings over the recent tragedy that has occurred.  I had planned on writing a post early today, but could not stop holding my children.  I couldn’t get up from holding them while watching an old old Christmas movie.  So that’s what I’m going to go do right now.  You do the same.  Love on and hold your family.  So this week…please catch up on the other posts I have written…They are certainly relevent today…Also read some of the comments…People have shared inspiring, touching, and also funny stories through this blog.  Love you all – Anthony

“When I despair, I remember that all through history the way of truth and love have always won.  There have been tyrants and murderers, and for a time, they can seem invincible, but in the end, they will always fall.  Think of it–always.” – Mahatma Gandhi 

Be The Bean

“Although the world is full of suffering, it is full also of the overcoming it.”

                                                                                                                                                                                              -Helen Keller

One of my favorite stories about adversity :

Adversity always changes us at our very core.  A daughter complained to her father about being tired of always struggling with problem after problem.  Her father took her to the kitchen and filled three pots with water.  In one pot he placed carrots, in another, eggs, and in the last, ground coffee beans.  He let them sit and boil.

After a while, he put the carrots, eggs, and coffee in separate bowls.  Turning to her, he asked, “Darling, what do you see?”

“Carrots, eggs, and coffee,” she replied.

     He explained that each of the items had faced the same adversity – boiling water – but each had reacted differently.  The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting, but after being subjected to the boiling water, it became soft and weak.  The egg went into the water fragile-its thin outer shell protecting the liquid interior.  But after sitting in the boiling water, its insides hardened.  The ground coffee beans were different from the other two, however.  Instead of being changed by the boiling water, they changed the water.
     The man then asked his daughter, “When adversity knocks on your door, which are you?”  So the question to all of us is – How does adversity affect you?  Does it cause you to become soft and weak?  Does it make you hard and immovable?  Or do YOU change the adversity?
“Life is thickly sown with thorns, and I know no other remedy than to pass quickly through them.  The longer we dwell on our misfortunes, the greater their power to harm us.” -Voltaire
     So exactly how should we be when we face adversity?  When I think about my own life and times I have faced adversity, I realize this : Sometimes I was like the carrot…Sometimes like the egg…BUT I ALWAYS ended up like the coffee beans.  The truth is…we don’t know how we’ll react to adversity, especially when it blindsides us…when it hits us and stops us dead in our tracks…we don’t know.  I’m telling you…It’s OK.  You can be hard and immovable…you can be weak and soft.  It really just depends on what adversity is before you at the time. You’re allowed to be what you need to be…But NEVER NEVER NEVER lose hope…NEVER GIVE UP.  It is amazing the strength God gives us to overcome adversity.  I have a favorite saying that is often up on the walls of my gym : “I’m never down…I’m either up…or getting up.”  So if you’re a carrot right now…or an egg…it doesn’t matter…As long as you realize you are not alone and adversity is on your path to make you stronger…Now get up…get up…get up…and MAKE yourself be…a coffee bean 🙂
“When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life you have a thousand reasons to smile.” – Unknown
“I can do all things in Christ who strengthens me” – Philippians 4:13

 

Be the Bean…

“Although the world is full of suffering, it is full also of the overcoming it.”

                                                                      -Helen Keller

One of my favorite stories about adversity :

     Adversity always changes us at our very core.  A daughter complained to her father about being tired of always struggling with problem after problem.  Her father took her to the kitchen and filled three pots with water.  In one pot he placed carrots, in another, eggs, and in the last, ground coffee beans.  He let them sit and boil.

     After a while, he put the carrots, eggs, and coffee in separate bowls.  Turning to her, he asked, “Darling, what do you see?”

  “Carrots, eggs, and coffee,” she replied.

     He explained that each of the items had faced the same adversity – boiling water – but each had reacted differently.  The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting, but after being subjected to the boiling water, it became soft and weak.  The egg went into the water fragile-its thin outer shell protecting the liquid interior.  But after sitting in the boiling water, its insides hardened.  The ground coffee beans were different from the other two, however.  Instead of being changed by the boiling water, they changed the water.
    
     The man then asked his daughter, “When adversity knocks on your door, which are you?”  So the question to all of us is – How does adversity affect you?  Does it cause you to become soft and weak?  Does it make you hard and immovable?  Or do YOU change the adversity?
“Life is thickly sown with thorns, and I know no other remedy than to pass quickly through them.  The longer we dwell on our misfortunes, the greater their power to harm us.” -Voltaire
 
     So exactly how should we be when we face adversity?  When I think about my own life and times I have faced adversity, I realize this : Sometimes I was like the carrot…Sometimes like the egg…BUT I ALWAYS ended up like the coffee beans.  The truth is…we don’t know how we’ll react to adversity, especially when it blindsides us…when it hits us and stops us dead in our tracks…we don’t know.  I’m telling you…It’s OK.  You can be hard and immovable…you can be weak and soft.  It really just depends on what adversity is before you at the time. You’re allowed to be what you need to be…But NEVER NEVER NEVER lose hope…NEVER GIVE UP.  It is amazing the strength God gives us to overcome adversity.  I have a favorite saying that is often up on the walls of my gym : “I’m never down…I’m either up…or getting up.”  So if you’re a carrot right now…or an egg…it doesn’t matter…As long as you realize you are not alone and adversity is on your path to make you stronger…Now get up…get up…get up…and MAKE yourself be…a coffee bean 🙂 
“When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life you have a thousand reasons to smile.” – Unknown
“I can do all things in Christ who strengthens me” – Philippians 4:13
 

 

Let Them Be Great

“It is one thing to show your child the way, and a harder thing to then stand out of it.” -Robert Brault

It was a hot day in the middle of the summer and I was tired.  I know it isn’t uncommon to be hot or tired on a normal summer day, but this wasn’t a normal summer day.  There is “normal summer hot and tired”….and then there is…”feet are numb, clothes are covered in ketchup, ice cream, dirt, kettle corn crumbs, and sweat…been walking around with 10,000 other people…amusement park hot and tired”.  You know what I’m talking about right?  After riding rides, eating “food”(stuff you can feel giving you an insulin spike, an artery clog, and an extra roll of fat…all at the same time), watching shows, and buying “souvenirs”(stuff you know will end up in the corner of your kid’s room and eventually on a yard sale table with a $1 sticker on it), everyone(including you) walks around with that blank, eyes unfocused, mouth half-open, zombie daze.  That was the scene one day this past summer as I walked hand in hand with my 7-year-old son Aleck at Dollywood.  We were in the game area looking for the girls.  The park was to close in about an hour so a lot of the other drooling, sweaty, dirty zombies…I mean people… had left to make the march to their cars.  Aleck and I weren’t having much luck finding Amy, Ella, and Emma Grace when he spotted a game with a stuffed Spiderman as a prize.  He pointed to Spiderman and looked up at me.  “That’s cool”, I said continuing to scan and look for the girls.  He didn’t say anything else.  I looked back down at him and asked him if he wanted to play.  His eyes lit up as if the real Spiderman had asked him for help in fighting crime.  We walked over and asked the young worker if we could still play.  “Sure. Three throws for $5 .  Two footballs through the hole wins the prize”, he said.  I paid the money and the worker handed us three footballs.  Aleck told me to throw first.  I threw it straight through the hole.  Aleck threw the next two and missed.  I looked around and saw people had stopped to watch us.  There were three elderly ladies eating ice cream sitting on a bench behind us.  A couple had stopped to adjust their baby in his/her stroller and were watching us.  Another father and son sat on a bench with a middle-aged couple standing next to them.  I looked at Aleck who had his chin tucked and eyes fixed on the ground.  I looked at the young man working and then at the stuffed Spiderman.  “He wants the Spiderman.” the worker said.  I nodded yes.  “Two more throws for two more dollars.  Make one and win the prize.” he said.  Aleck looked up and smiled.  I paid the man.  He gave Aleck two footballs.  Aleck handed one of the footballs to me and told me to throw first.  I thought to myself  how I was about to be my son’s hero.  I put my fingers on the laces and threw the ball in a perfect spiral…and it came bouncing back at my face like a flying wounded duck.  I heard a loud “Awwwwww”.  I looked at Aleck as he took a deep breath.  I expected him to toss me the next ball.  Instead, he rolled up his sleeves, took another deep breath, and whispered ” I can do this.”  And this is important : I almost told him to stop.  I was so close to telling him to hand me the ball if he wanted the Spiderman.  But I didn’t.  I have no idea why the words didn’t leave my heart and mouth, but I thank God they weren’t spoken.  Aleck gripped the football, closed his eyes for two seconds, opened them, and threw the ball straight through the hole.  The young worker’s eyes opened wide as if he had seen a ghost and he started to laugh.  I heard a loud “Yaaay!!!” and clapping behind us.  Aleck high-fived me and jumped up and down before gripping me in a bear hug.  The worker handed Aleck Spiderman and shook his hand.  We walked through the congratulating crowd.  “We have to find Mom and tell her.” Aleck said.  “Aleck that was so awesome.  Bro, you made three old women put their ice cream down to clap for you…that’s big!  I’m so proud of you.” I said.  “I know Dad.  I know.” Aleck answered.

“What you must accept as a parent is that you cannot always be there for your child without sometimes ruining everything.” – Robert Brault

It was one of the perfect days of my life.  Please know that it happened exactly the way I wrote it.  I made a promise to be truthful, genuine, and transparent when I started this blog.  The words you read in my posts are true and from my heart.  Having said that, do you realize how close I came to ruining that perfect day?  I came within a second of changing that day.  I was so concerned about being a hero to my son, I almost took away the chance for him to be a hero.  That is the lesson my friends :  Lighten up.  Take a breather as parents.  We don’t have to be heroes.  It isn’t our job to keep our children away from life’s mistakes.  It isn’t our job to protect them from the consequences of bad decisions.  It isn’t our job to shield them from things in life that are not fair…things that hurt their feelings…things that are hard.  It is a great disservice to never let them feel struggle, taste defeat, or hear honest criticism.   It isn’t our job to protect them from failure.  And it is wrong to try to make our children into what we did not become.  This quote says it best: “Do not ask that your kids live up to your expectations. Let your kids be who they are, and your expectations will be in breathless pursuit.”-Robert Brault 

 IT IS OUR JOB to PREPARE them for life’s struggles, mistakes, and failures.  IT IS OUR JOB to keep them SAFE.  IT IS OUR JOB to blanket them with LOVE.  If we teach the value of honesty, grace, integrity, hard work, love, faith, kindness, compassion, forgiveness, empathy, and responsibility…we will be fine…and our children will be fine.  We need to treat them now like the people we think they have the potential of becoming.  If we do our best to instill the values needed to cope with the things our children will face in this world, we’ve accomplished something great.  We cannot do everything for them though or we will surely take away their chance to be great.  I learned an important lesson one hot summer day at Dollywood :  Be quiet and let them throw the ball.  And however the throw turns out…make or miss…a simple hug, kiss, “I love you”, smile, nod, “It’s OK”, and/or high five…is perfect…perfect.  And with that… Mom…Dad…you’ve done your job.  🙂

 

What’s Your Coin Worth?

Aleck, Emma Grace, and I were shooting hoops at Underdog on Black Friday while Ella and Amy went shopping for…whatever makes people shop on that day.  We were shooting and dribbling on that warm beautiful Friday.  I was trying to be Kobe Bryant….wait he doesn’t pass the ball…I was trying to be Magic Johnson with some smooth dribbling and mind-blowing passes.  I drove in, jumped, and acted as if I was going to throw down a thundering dunk.  In mid-air with my head above the rim(ok…the goal was set at 7ft), I lowered the ball to waist level and made a pro-contract worthy behind the back pass to Aleck.  The problem was…Aleck was waiting on the dunk and not the pass.  “Sweeeet pass!” I yelled as the ball left my hands.  Then I watched the ball bounce off Aleck’s cheek and roll across the parking lot to the guard rail just past the dumpster.  I couldn’t tell if he was crying as his little legs scurried in a rush to retrieve the ball.  I was relieved when he picked up the ball, turned, and pointed to his right.  He said, “Hey Dad and Emma Grace, let’s go put coins on the railroad tracks!”  He remembered.  I had taken them to the tracks behind the gym when they were two or three years old to put coins on the tracks.  We ran inside the gym and I grabbed some change from the water payment container.  I divvied up three-quarters, three dimes, three nickels, and three pennies…a total of $1.23.  We slid down the dirt bank and climbed the rocks.  We put our change down and marked the spot with a piece of a broken plastic sign we found on the tracks.  I explained on the walk back to the gym that we may have to come back later and find the coins because it could take a long time for a train to come.  Just then, we heard a whistle from an oncoming train.  “How perfect.  No waiting”, I thought to myself.  Not only that, the train slowly rolled to the spot we put our money and stopped.  I knew this would mean the coins would still be on the tracks instead of all over the rocks after getting flipped up by the heavy wheels.  The train finally passed and we retrieved our coins.  After cracking up about the squished faces and buildings on the flattened coins, Emma Grace said, “Great…Now let’s take our money and go to TCBY!”  I explained that we couldn’t use the coins anymore.  “Awwww…They aren’t worth anything?!  Now we can’t go to TCBY?” she asked.  I smiled because I knew what she said wasn’t true.  As a matter of fact, I knew the “worthless” flat coins the twins held in their hands were now worth MORE than anyone could imagine.

 

A few months ago I was in our basement looking for a book when I stumbled upon an old green tackle box I’ve had since I was a kid.  I opened the box and found some old army patches, two Hot Wheels, and a cache of flat and smooth coins.  My Dad used to take my sisters and me to the railroad tracks across the road from my Grandfather’s house when we visited every Sunday.  I couldn’t wait to pull in the driveway, hop out, climb the rocks to the tracks and put my change down.  Then came the hard part…waiting for the train to come.  The reward was always worth the wait.  I felt like a treasure hunter as I searched the area until I found all my coins.  More importantly, I felt special because my Dad had shown me something special.  He had taken the time to share with me a “trick” I thought no one else knew.  And that is the lesson my friends…

Why put money…something with concrete worth and buying power on train tracks?  Why put “the answer to everything” on train tracks to be destroyed in a flash.  Why do anything with our children that doesn’t make sense?  Why choose not to work at night…on your laptop or phone… on things that “must” get done when a little girl or boy is asking you to read to them?  Why choose to skip a day of golf you “deserve” after a hard week to go to a birthday party with your child?  Why skip a “business dinner and drinks” meeting to go home and help your wife with homework, baths, and packing lunches?  Why skip a workout to watch your child in a school play?  Why skip a “girls trip” to go on a field trip with your child?  The answer is:  Because it’s not about the money.  It’s not about work.  It’s not about you.  It’s not about me.  It’s about TIME.  For example, in the case of coins on a train track, money ends up being an awesome and cool souvenir, but the value is in the time spent with our children.  I could literally smell the train tracks and my Grandfather’s house as I rubbed the old coins I found in my tackle box…33 years later.  I could hear my Dad’s voice and feel his hand on my shoulder as I remembered the time spent placing coins on the track…33 years later.  It is said children spell Love…T-I-M-E.  TIME… and we don’t have a lot of it.  Just ask any parent with a quiet empty house.  Ask any Mother whose children are in college this year.  Ask any Father who is about to give or has recently given his daughter away in marriage.  Ask any parent of a high school senior.  Ask any parent of an eighth grader.  Ask any parent of a soon to be kindergartener.  Ask any Mother or Father who has lost a child.  Ask any parent who has almost lost a child.  Ask any parent who has almost lost his/her own life.  Ask any Father who has worked so much he has lost the connection with his wife and failed in teaching his own children important lessons.  They will all say…Time is so so short.  A man I once trained told me, “Anthony…You work a lot.  Do not do this for very long.  Before you know it 25 years will pass and you won’t know where that time has gone.  You will regret it.”  It is all about TIME when it comes to our children.  When we truly spend our time sharing, teaching, and listening to our children with a complete mind and heart, we show them THEY have worth.  Giving time shows we value them.  Believe me this is tough for me to write about.  It is an area in which I must improve.  It is an area in which America must improve.  It will take reflection, planning, and sacrifice, but isn’t it worth it?  What could be more important?  This quote says it perfectly : “Children are living messages we send to a time we will not see.” – Neil Postman.   You can’t buy much with $1.23 these days, but for me…on this Black Friday….my $1.23 bought me something no “Super Sale” in any store could ever give me…a special day…and a special TIME with my son and daughter 🙂

“Time is the coin of your life.  It is the only coin you have, and only you can determine how it will be spent.  Be careful lest you let other people spend it for you.” – Carl Sandburg

 

Pilgrims and Cafeterias

Last Friday I grabbed my bag, locked my office door, and said goodbye to a studio full of clients working out.  I got in my car and headed to Aleck and Emma Grace’s school.  On my way to eat Thanksgiving meal with them in the cafeteria, I turned on the news.  The interstate seemed busy and I prayed I wouldn’t be late to the feast.  There never seems to be enough time…to be on time…ever.  I turned the radio on and scanned to a news channel.  As I approached the school, a story came on about the “controversial” Black Friday.  The story summed up Wal Mart and Target employees’ unhappiness and frustration with store policy of starting Black Friday on Thanksgiving Day.  I turned my car off, hopped out, and headed into the school.  The entrance was becoming crowded as parents signed in, paid for the meal, and received a meal ticket.  We made our way to the entrance of the cafeteria and waited for our children to come down the hall from their classroom.  The scene reminded me of a mob of paparazzi waiting for celebrities to strut down the red carpet.  I was alone because Amy was teaching.  I stood silently like you’re supposed to do in an elementary school hallway(I remember the rules), waited, and listened to the conversations going on around me.  I mostly heard about kids being sick, breaking limbs(even saw a cellphone pic of a boys s-shaped broken arm), and stress about family coming together for Thanksgiving.  Then to my left I heard a group talking sarcastically about how they couldn’t wait to eat the school food.  “Cardboard turkey, mashed notebook paper, and motor oil gravy…mmm mmmm good…Can’t wait!”, said one Father.  As the parents laughed at the food joke, the first single filed line of waving children made its way through the cafeteria door.  The parents followed, spilling into the room like ants heading to a picnic.  I searched the edges of the room where the children lined up.  I saw Emma Grace first and she broke out of line, sprinted to me, and jumped up into my arms.  I saw Aleck next as he slowly walked over giving me a “What’s up?” head nod.  We made our way through the lunch line and back out into the busy sitting area.  I picked an open table near the trash cans and the tray drop-off.  It was a round table allowing us to sit comfortably next to each other.  As we started eating, I began to ask questions and received head nods for answers. “Why are you guys not talking to me?”, I asked.  Just then a little girl and her parents approached our table.  As the Father started to pull a chair out the girl  said, ” Nooooo Daddy.  This is a silent lunch table!  It’s for kids in trouble.”  I looked at Aleck and asked him if it was true and he just shrugged his shoulders, looked around the room, and said, “I don’t know.  I think so.  It’s ok Dad.”  So we ate…discussing very little and then it was time to go.  I was able to catch Emma Grace’s class poem then dart across to Aleck’s classroom just in time to hear his poem before I left.  On the drive back to the gym I turned my radio back on and immediately heard the reloop of the news story about Target, Wal Mart, and Black Friday.  This time I didn’t get frustrated listening to it.  Instead, I started to think about the lunch I ate and the poems I heard which led to this week’s Blog message :

                                                                              

We all know the Thanksgiving story.  We learned the story of 50 surviving Pilgrims gathering with 90 or so Native Americans celebrating a bountiful harvest.  The story has been taught to us in school and has been a defining piece of America.  Thanksgiving became a day to gather, eat, drink, and give thanks for the blessings bestowed upon us.  Our Country should be very grateful for who we are and what we have.  The first Thanksgiving is important because it was about truly being thankful.  I saw this quote which says it best :

 “The Pilgrims made seven times more graves than huts.  No Americans have been more impoverished than these who, nevertheless, set aside a day of Thanksgiving.” – H. U. Westermayer

This quote should change our perspective.  If it doesn’t, let me help with a few examples.  How have we become a nation of people who can make fun of a meal we didn’t have to grow, kill, prepare, or cook… a meal we’re about to eat with our children…in a safe and loving school?  I know it was just a joke, but having read what Thanksgiving meant to the Pilgrims who suffered such hardship, doesn’t it seem absurd?  We have more food in one convenience store than some countries have in an entire town or village.  Doesn’t it seem we have forgotten the meaning of Thanksgiving when a store can announce it “must” open on Thanksgiving Day to provide sales and deals on things Americans “must have”(and will go out and stand in line to get)….on Thanksgiving Day!?  Thanksgiving has been turned into a day of “getting more”.  It has become a day of over-eating, over-drinking, and shopping.  It seems to me, we over do everything in America instead of having and giving thanks any of it exists at all.  Here’s the thing : If we aren’t thankful… we own nothing.  If you’re sitting in a warm house right now…if you have a job…if you can come and go as you please because you have a car…if your children are safe…if you have food…if you aren’t being bombed or shot at…if you are breathing…and you aren’t thankful…you have nothing.  Without awareness, gratitude, and thankfulness you really have nothing.  Do you want to know how to have everything in your life?  Be thankful…for every thing…every day…every moment…every breath.  There are so many things I’m thankful for in my life, but let me tell you about just one day.  I am thankful for God and His Grace.  I am thankful for my clients who let me sneak out to eat with my children.  I am thankful I can trust they will take care of our gym and each other in my absence.  I am so thankful for the Thanksgiving meal I ate with my Twins.  I am thankful for the cafeteria workers who prepared and served our food.  I am thankful that a little girl who weighed 1 pound when she was born can now run and jump up into my arms.  I am thankful that a little boy who fit in my hand and couldn’t breathe on his own when he was born is willing and happy to sit at a silent lunch table with his Dad.  Even though he thought we couldn’t talk, he was happy to be with me.  I am thankful for Amy and Ella who couldn’t sit at the silent lunch table with us that day(although Ella would have quickly redefined “silent” I’m sure).  I am thankful for  teachers and the love they have for my children.  I am thankful for their Principal.  I am thankful for you.  I am thankful you read my words and share them.  It is truly a blessing.  And I only have one more thing to say about Black Friday(Yes…I have a wife who loves Black Friday and thinks it’s a good idea to wake up at 4am…go stand in the cold…and save 25 cents on a musical toaster…or $1 on a furry glove/ice scraper…or $2 on a label maker)….If you’re thinking of going shopping on Thanksgiving Day…don’t do it.  It’s one day.  Give one day.  Be Thankful!  On Thanksgiving Day think about the words in the following quote 🙂

“For, after all, put it as we may to ourselves, we are all of us from birth to death guests at a table which we did not spread.  The sun, the earth, love, friends, our very breath are parts of the banquet…shall we think of the day as a chance to come nearer to our Host, and to find out something of Him who has fed us so long?” – Rebecca Harding Davis